I always tend to get the frantic texts from my twenty-year-old daughter during school. Not over the weekend. Not at night. Only when I am teaching.
11:17 a.m. text:
"I think I'm going to need a new phone before summer. This week I've taken out my SIM card 5 times because it keeps breaking. It stopped working a day or 2 ago."
Hmmm....She did not let me know about this over the weekend. I can feel my chest start to tense. I think And what am I supposed to do?
11:19 a.m. response
"You are due for an upgrade, but you will have to go to the AT&T store."
She had all weekend to take care of this, but she decides to wait for Monday morning. I know she wants me to do something. I can see that in the responses she is sending, and then she reveals her motive for texting.
11:21 a.m. text:
"Lily suggested to have the phone send to me."
Meaning I go to AT&T and get the phone for her. BUT, I live 1,100 miles away.
I start taking some really deep breaths. Several of them. I look for an AT&T store near UW-Madison and find one not too far from campus. I send her the address and tell her to take an Uber.
The conversation goes on as she explains that she has to go to the gym and then eat before she can go to the store. She also has a chapter meeting at 5:30. Basically, she is insinuating she does not have a lot of time. She is quite the busy girl.
12:27 p.m. text:
"That's plenty of time right"
Yes, it is! Just go! I want to write this, but I try to keep my frustration out of the texts. It is probably good that her phone does not work and we can't talk.
1:33 p.m. text:
"Going to AT&T now."
The texts continue as she makes her way to the store.
I anticipate a call. I even make a back-up plan with the teacher across the hall to cover for me when it comes. However, it never comes.
2:06 p.m. text:
"Getting it now!!!!"
She is taking some of her first real adult steps with only a little help from mom.
I love this idea of "adult steps". Such a beautiful way of framing your daughter's texts. And so lovely that you're metaphorically there, holding your hands out, encouraging her to take those steps on her own.
ReplyDeleteYour reference to adult steps captures those young adult steps so clearly. I also have a twenty year old and sometimes when I think he's "got" it, I get the most random questions that make me do a double-take. We still need to walk behind them to help steady those big adult steps.
ReplyDeleteThe back-and-forth of this post really shows the tension of the situation. And I agree--those milestones don't end at potty training. First semester away, handling bills, taking care of issues instead of handing them off--you did a great job of supporting without enabling!
ReplyDeleteGood for her, Heather. I like that she was able to do it, and more importantly, that you didn't step in and do it for her because you knew she needed this. Good job sharing the text messages and how you tried to keep your frustration out of the texts.
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